Love Remains

”Grief has a process and a purpose” - you’ve by now heard it said before.

It can’t be rushed, and it never should be pushed away, but over time (and often without notice), it can sometimes shift into something far outside its original design. Sometimes, we can slowly begin to see our grief as a badge of honor or a sign of respect to those we have lost. Sometimes, we think our sorrow must remain paramount in all things and at all times for the level of our loyalty to remain unchanged and intact.

Grief has many purposes, but it was never intended to have the duty and responsibility of gauging the amount of love that still exists in the wake of great loss.  

We grieve intensely in the early days, months, and even years of sorrow because we love intensely. But as time continues, we can sometimes get stuck in a headspace where should the intensity, duration, or frequency of its visits minimizes, then by default - so does our love. Sometimes, we make an intentional decision to live in grief rather than visit it to prove to ourselves (and to those around us) the magnitude and severity of our loss.

We think we honor the dead in body by refusing to live, forgetting that our loved ones are very much alive in the spirit. We see any shred of joy beginning to take root in our lives as some form of a betrayal - like moving forward in life is the same as moving on. We think by digging our heels in and pushing away hope that we somehow better uphold the memory of those our hearts miss so intensely. We believe the daily level of our sorrow and the rate at which it fluctuates gauges the level at which our hearts are still connected to those we have lost. 

Yes, grief is the cost of love, but grief cannot live where love did not first abound. Grief is dependent - a byproduct of love. Love was designed differently. It is far greater, much stronger, endures forever, and can stand on its own. Love, can and will always exist - even without grief. 

Once sorrow has touched your life, it will forever ebb and flow throughout it. It will weave in and out as it needs to. Sometimes its visits will seem extended, and sometimes they will be brief. Grief will sit in your hands one moment and slip through your fingers the next. That is the sacred back-and-forth dance of loss, and one all bereaved must learn.

Give yourself permission today to let go of your sorrow for a minute, an hour, or dare I say it - even a day. Let yourself take a deep breath and release the white-knuckled grip you have on its significance and the misconception that its absence somehow has the power to alter the magnitude of your love. Letting go of your grief - if even for a moment - is not letting go of your loss.

Love remains - and always will. 

Much Love,

Jamie